In my early twenties I started to notice little signs that my Mam wasn’t quite herself. She became forgetful, nervous, stumbling on her words and her once-beautiful handwriting became unrecognisable. We had only just gotten over the shock of my Dad having a heart attack in his late 40’s (which he thankfully recovered from) and she had only just turned 50, so the thought of this being dementia setting in was just unthinkable. But sure enough, 18 months later we were given the devastating confirmation that at 51 she had Alzheimer’s Disease and it was progressing quickly.
Navigating the limited care-options available, while trying to juggle full-time jobs, studying for my chartered accountancy exams and helping Mam at home was tough. My parents’ Critical Illness cover had been a joint policy which paid out on Dad’s heart attack, but hadn’t been enough to cover the mortgage; and now they were faced with a long-term debilitating illness and the bills still to pay. Mam’s condition had deteriorated a lot before she was given any real support from the care services and as a family we had to learn how to provide personal care, without training on how to do this safely. I know today thousands of sufferers of the disease still have to struggle on at home for longer than they should, and past the point where they are a danger to themselves and others. It’s a horrendous situation.
One bit of great advice we did receive was to put Lasting Power of Attorney in place before it was too late and this made a world of difference to us as a family. When the time came that we had to accept that Mam would be safer in residential nursing care, we actually had the power to choose which home she went into. This was both an easy choice for us and a relief that we hadn’t been forced to accept a home which we wouldn’t have liked. Dad could have been faced with their joint bank accounts being frozen and unable to remortgage their home over the 5 years Mam didn’t have capacity, but because he was an attorney, he didn’t have this added complication. Eventually, in her last days, we had the final say on the care she received and I struggle to express just how much of a blessing this was.
Mam passed away aged just 59 when I was 30 and after taking a break from dementia for a couple of years I eventually wanted to ‘give back’. I took up a voluntary trustee position at a small local charity offering care as wonderful as what my Mam had received. It’s heart breaking that the social care sector is struggling so much to help those in need, through lack of funding.
Then two years ago, I changed my career, leaving my accountancy role because I wanted to use my financial brain to help people. Now I’m trained as a Will Writer and Protection Advisor, I’m saddened by the realisation that my parents didn’t have time to receive the best advice on how to protect everything they had worked so hard for, with discretionary trusts and sufficient illness cover. Mam passed away without a Will and she and my Dad missed the opportunity to place her share of the family home into a discretionary trust when she died. It means that my Dad now owns the home solely and if he is ever unfortunate to need to go into care in the future, our family home will need to be sold to contribute to his care fees. That’s just one example! There are many other benefits of the trust which may have proven useful and it’s such a shame that they missed out.
It’s my mission now to ensure as many families as possible never have to face the worry about finances when disaster strikes, and instead their first concern and care can be on the health of their poorly loved one, or on grieving their loss. Someone once asked me how I cope with discussing such “morbid subjects” all day long, but I don’t feel that I do. My meetings with my clients are relaxed, in plain English and centered around who it is they love and want to protect most. I take pride in being able to educate my clients on how they can best protect themselves and their families and I love helping people leave a legacy of care and consideration, not one of chaos and confusion, behind. I couldn’t be happier or more passionate about my work and it’s a joy being part of the supportive team at The Will Guys and The Financial Guys.
Michelle Donnan